Summer of 2015

 I miss 2015,

A year where I felt happy.

But after it’s summer I’ve died several times,

Enough to forget how many lives I’ve lived,

I miss the songs I used to sing,

Blank space and Counting Stars,

I used to be naive,

But among good people.

I miss the summer,

Where I used to laugh even at the silliest things,

Now I’m afraid laughing will make me look like a child.

I didn’t know what love was,

I’m afraid I still don’t know what it is,

When people ask me  questions about love, I ask myself, why me?

I do not even know you, yet I pretend to be some long lost traveller who has learnt his life lessons,

You kept agreeing with my answer,

But I wish you told me I was wrong.

I was confused in 2015,

But it didn’t matter because someone would be there to guide me,

I’m still confused, and afraid to ask for help.

I belittle myself as I compare myself to others,

How far they’ve reached,

Am I jealous?

I never felt this in 2015.

I’ve grown a little out of my favourite clothes,

And I don’t like them anymore,

It was a checkered shirt and a t-shirt with a boy holding a spray paint,

Now all I prefer are plain shirts,

Lifeless just like my soul,

Always missing what it was before,

Untouched, careless and protected.

I scroll down my page,

People spreading positivity and love,

Do you feel they’re happy?

I believe everyone misses 2015,

When they were small, and felt everyone else was an idiot,

And now I believe I’m the only idiot in this room.

A child has died inside me,

And I’m guilty of murdering him,

His last wish was to wear that checkered shirt once again,

Too bad I had already thrown it away,

I’m sorry little child,

The world has changed,

I wish you had too.