Lost

 I’m not in love with you anymore,

I fell in love with the anticipation that I’ll be loved,

With the anticipation that someone will stay beside me,

With the anticipation that you’ll love my flaws,

But when I sit with you,

I feel the need to stay quiet,

I need to keep my mouth shut otherwise I’d say something that’ll offend you,

I’m not in love with you anymore,

I fear you,

It’s not your fault though,

You keep asking me what’s wrong,

And I’ll stay quiet,

While you lecture me about the importance of openness in a relationship,

I’d eat the plain food that I ordered,

I can’t keep you on my mind,

It’s not because you’re not important,

But my body feels drained whenever I think of you,

They say our body adapts to an everyday activity,

But I still fathom why I wish you every morning,

Would my love deplete if I did not speak to for one night,

Would you treat me as a stranger if you weren’t the first person I’d message,

But that is what today’s love demands,

I don’t belong to this era,

And like every person on the verge of breaking hearts,

I’ll have to say,

It was always me,

I’ll blame myself for reasons I haven’t even found yet,

But you need to know you’re perfect,

You’re perfect because you held my hand in the rain just like the clouds carried the sun,

You kissed my forehead just like the 5 a.m. sunlight falling on my hand,

But I’m so sorry,

Sorry for not saving you from my conflict,

I’ve lost the ability to love,

I’ve lost the ability to care,

I’ve lost myself.