A Song To Your Name

 It's that time of night again,

My neighbouring room is playing a slowed version of heat waves.

I don't long for you anymore,

But this particular song whispers your name into my ear,

I swear I was lying on my bed talking to my friend,

But all of a sudden I've gone numb.

My breaths are somehow uneven,

It feels like I'm on the brink of crying,

But my tears are living in a certain denial.

You've torn me apart,

As much as I had loved you, I've started to hate you even more. 

For a while, my poems weren't about you,

It felt good to not drown myself in our past memories.

Yet people like poems which are written for you,

I wonder what indulges them.

Is it the pain?

Or my false hope of being reunited.

As much as I try to tell myself it was never your fault,

I end up blaming you for everything.

I'm sorry for the way I turned out to be.

I remember making a lot of promises to you,

Maybe I wasn't that madly in love.

Looks like the song is about to end,

The chorus has been played twice.

They're switching their lights off,

I'm tired too.

I'm tired of thinking about you,

I'm tired of living in denial,

In tired of blaming the wrong people,

I'm tired of writing poems for you,

I'm tired of hoping for a second chance,

I'm just tired of fighting with myself.

Now even death seems as a method of deliverance,

But you wouldn't want that, would you?

The song has finally ended,

I am finally free from the hopes that I dreamt of,

And I've entered reality again.

Reality doesn't seem any better though,

But at least I'll be allowed to cry again.

I'm not weak,

I've been trying to be a little stronger than what I was.

I hope this song doesn't play again,

And even if it does,

Please don't visit me.

But if you still stand by my door,

I will burn the whole house down.